Runaway Wife

This morning all they talked about on the news shows was the Runaway Bride. Ignoring the fact that some crazy woman running away is not truly the kind of news story that deserves 24 hour coverage - it now has 24 hour coverage.

There was all kinds of speculation this morning over whether her fiancee should take her back, if she should go to jail, pay a fine. If she was really mentally ill or just rude. Blah blah blah. I don't in fact care about any of it, but I thought as I listened to these people who call in to have their opinion used as a way for the pretty blonde weather man to sound witty and then be completely ignored - If she was scared BEFORE the wedding...just wait.

We had our own little marital drama this morning. By drama I mean a comment was made and then we ignored it and went to work. My husband is notoriously difficult to wake up in the morning. I usually need to prod him every nine minutes for an hour and a half before I can get him up. When I turn on the lights to encourage him he throws a huge hissy fit. It's not pleasant, for either of us I'm sure. Unfortunately he does in fact need to get up in the morning so he can get to work by 7am. He has yet to reach this goal since it was set a couple of months ago. (This is a whole 'nother long story and contains many "Stupid idiotic Navy-weenies" in it.)

The irony in all this is he often complains that I can never be gotten up. This is my husbands double-standard. I'm held to extremely high standards while he can get away with sleeping-in for an hour and a half. If I sleep in an extra five minutes...I'm lazy.

In anycase today, after I woke him up and finally pushed his butt out of bed, he mentioned "I can't sleep this late anymore!" In the sort of tone that said "Don't let me sleep in so late anymore."

Yep, it's all my fault he can't wake up. I wake up at 5am. Usually I go to the gym but sometimes I just roll over and say "Hey hon...it's 5...time to get up." Why do I just roll over and say that? Because I don't have to be at work till 8am...and I don't have to leave till 7:40am. As opposed to my husband's required departure of 6am. He HAS to get up first so he can shower and get ready before I do. He never has. And apparently it's because I'm still in bed.

While the notion that he can't pull himself away from me in the morning is romantic. It gets less romantic when it means I will need to start waking up at 4:30am every morning just to make sure that he is at work on time.

To achieve this goal I have just laid out some ground rules.

1. We now have a set bedtime. If he is not in bed by that bedtime I turn off the lights on him and unplug his computer. He is going to bed!
2. He has exactly 30 minutes to play on the laptop on the bed. By the time 30 minutes is up...I again unplug the laptop and turn off the lights on him. Likewise I am only allowed 30 minutes of reading in bed. By 30 minutes my light must be out.
3. I will wake up at 4:30am and get ready for the gym. By the time I have gotten dressed, put the kettle on for tea and ironed his uniform he will have woken up. If he hasn't gotten out of bed by then I turn the second alarm clock on in the other room and make him get up to turn it off.

By the time he's up and moving I should be able to go to the gym without worrying about him. He'll get dressed, eat, and leave for work. I'll be home in time to give him a kiss and jump in the shower myself.

I'm hoping the new plan works. I feel like he's my child instead of my husband. I'm tempted to tell him that if this plan doesn't work I'm confiscating his computer-game priviledges.

Could I just spank him?

Better yet...could I runaway myself? I wouldn't mind a little first-class trip to the middle of nowhere. I'll even write to the FBI before I leave so they won't look for me:

Dear Government:

I am running away so I can sleep past 4:30am. Please keep the dogs at home.

Don't tell my husband.

Sincerely,
Katy