I need a little space.

Last night we didn't go back to DuClaws. We didn't go out at all. Husband was feeling poorly and tired. He ended up playing WoW and then hit the pillow at seven or so. He slept in late too. I'm really hoping he's not sick.

Meanwhile I watched a marathon of my girl-shows. Gilmore Girls, Buffy re-runs (I'm still trying to see the last season...haven't yet.) and Sex and the City. I TiVo them all and usually wait till 6:00am on Saturday to sneak into the living room, curl up with the kitty, eat yogurt and watch unaccosted. My husband is pretty forgiving now of my guilty t.v. pleasures. He has even gotten into watching the new season of Gilmore Girls. Well he'll watch a little then ask me what happen to Luke and Lorelai - the only ones he really cares about. I think it's cute he gets so caught up. Wait till next week when they are hinting that she may be pregnant...

However, we have a roommate. He is also a sailor, but younger than my husband. Basically he's like our very large puppy. And a major pain in my neck most of the time. He likes to make sure he yells as loud as he can through anything I'm watching and make terrible fun of it all. Which would be cute if it wasn't for the fact that I'm trying to hear the t.v. He also gets my husband all riled up. He's really just a bad influence. Most of the time this isn't a problem though because I never get to watch the t.v. He's usually on it playing with the X-box or the PS2 or watching some really really really bad shows. Much worse than mine. We're talking cut-rate fluff that was cancelled in it's first season, but due to the magic of cable television comes back over and over and over again. It's the cancer of t.v.

Anyway, last night was a rare exception where I got home before the roommate and Craig wasn't watching t.v. I got to watch my weeks worth of shows at night while there was still warm pizza. It was nice. Although I sorta miss the living-room-is-all-mine feeling I get on Saturday mornings.

I miss not having a place just to myself for a few hours a day. Besides commuting in my car there isn't anywhere I am where someone isn't invading my space. At the office I live in a cubicle right outside my boss, the VP's, office. People are always coming in to have me do something for them. We're like a bunch of merekats and I have the big hole with all the food. Likewise, at home either one or both of the boys are always home. My roommate has no life outside of work and is a permanent fixture on the couch. I don't know if this annoys me so much because he's always there or because he never does anything. He still hasn't fully unpacked from moving over a YEAR ago. Nor does he ever do dishes or vacuum or pick up around the house. He never gets the mail, rarely he will take out the trash usually after his mother has called and fusses at him. He literally is a puppy...and I run around cleaning up after him and my husband and listening to their assinine comments about crap.

Our bedroom isn't even a good place for solitude. For awhile I kept putting up a chinese screen around my computer desk which gave me a sense that I was in a place that was all mine to read or play on the computer. But everytime I put it up it would mysteriously get taken down as soon as I left the house for anything. My husband doesn't like it and still hasn't told me why. I gave up trying to put it up anymore. Anytime I went into the bedroom my husband would follow me anyway. Which is cute and romantic and I do appreciate the gesture. But sometimes I just need space!

Likewise, outside isn't much better. I go to the gym...but people are of course always there. And while I've heard the gym is much like the subway or the bus...you stare straight ahead and don't talk to people - people always talk to me. Even when I look grouchy and have my headphones turned up all the way...I suppose I'm still approachable. The same goes for running alone. I live across the street from a park with a pretty running path, unfortunately everyone else likes that path and they love to come and converse with me while I jog.

*pant* Can't-talk-now-busy-trying-to-run-faster-than-you. *pant - die*

I suppose if I were willing to turn to strangers who come up and start little chats and say "Back the f*** off" I'd soon get a reputation for being unapproachable. But I hate doing it. If someone tells me their troubles I instantly feel pity...and burdened. If they want to share something happy I'll stand and listen and nod. And if they just say hello I'll smile back and say hello. And most of the time I'm happy to talk to them. I like people - but right now I feel over-peopled. I need a place that's comfortable where I can crawl into some pajamas, not brush my hair, not wear lipstick, and be left completely alone.

Ironically - that's what my mother used to say.

How's that for scary?