This Saturday my husband had an autocross. It being a pretty, sunny (though very windy and chilly, as I found out later) day I decided I'd go along with him. Part of my acquiescence to his request for a spectator was also the fact that he gave me those big puppy-dog eyes and flapped his arms like a duck. (...it's a thing.)
I actually don't mind these events for the most part. I have a comfy lawn chair and while Craig is racing or working the course I either watch the cars drive past or read. This weekend I was working on my other guilty-girl-pleasure "Glamour". This months issue isn't that interesting though so my mind wandered and I looked for other things to distract me.
The first was procuring lunch for Craig. Not my favorite job because it requires actually getting into the thick of the stupid uber-competitive boys and old men who don't know their muffler from their steering wheel. Not that I'm that knowledgeable in car things or in racing techniques: but I've read the books, watched the pros and been to enough of my husbands classes to be able to know what's a good thing to do and what's not. For instance: When a course worker is jumping up and down waving a big red flag and yelling at you; it's probably an indication that they want you to stop.
A car got scrapped up after a rather bad spin in the turn right in front of me. And he tried to get off the course but couldn't get any speed so they put out the red flag. However the person right behind not only ignored it...he didn't hit the brakes until he right on the messed up guys bumper. The scary thing about this was...the third car behind them also ignored the red flag and I was certain I was about to witness a three car pile-up on a race course and one dead open-wheeled car driver.
I didn't. But it makes you wonder about these people who blatantly ignore the rules. As my roommate says "Some people's kids."
I was privy to another "Some people's kids" moment that same day. Again thrust into the throng of people around the food tent I hear some kid bragging to her mother that she found $20 on the ground. The kids was five or so and just about the burst into a joyous chorus of "Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers" when her sister of nine said:
"That's not yours."
"I don't care I found it and they lost it so it's mine."
The mother said nothing. Standing next to me a boy of about 19 heard the same thing and starting frantically patting himself down. The nine-year-old saw it and asked him if the $20 was his. No...it wasn't. The boy found his twenty and breathed a sigh of relief explaining that that was his only money today and he needed it to fill up the tank so he could get home. I've been there...I'd be freaked too.
Still the mother said nothing to the five year old who was still blissfully announcing that she was the "Finder" and it was alllllllllll hers.
I stood there waiting for a minute or two to her how the mother would explain to her daughter that obviously someone who was standing in line for sandwiches must have dropped it and she should try and find the proper owner.
Nothing.
I was expecting her to mandate, like my husbands parents and my father used to, that she stand near the food tent and look around for people who might be looking for something on the ground to ask if they had lost something and thus find the rightful owner of the money.
Nothing.
I was hoping that she would make her daughter go up to the workers of the food tent and explain that someone must have lost this bill and would they hold it and if anyone was looking for it make sure they received their money.
Nothing
I was waiting for the mother, in her rightful place as a guide, mentor and role-model for social politeness and consideration for other people, to tell her five year old toddler that she had to put aside selfishness and make an effort to get that money to the person it belonged to. To think of the boy who had just said that if it was his twenty he'd be unable to get home. I was waiting for the mother to take this opportunity to teach her five-year-old about taking others feelings into consideration. That $20 may be the only money that person has and they'd be a lot worse off than she would without it. I wanted the mother to explain that doing the right thing is far better than being a little richer. That money is hard worked for and it wouldn't be fair for someone to lose it and never get it back just cause some little girl couldn't spend a little time trying to help out.
I wanted the mother to say something...ANYTHING.
Instead the nine-year-old went to the event leader and told him about the lost $20 that the five year old was still prancing around with happily. The leader said he'd ask around and if anyone asked him about it he'd let them know where to go to get the money back.
The mother meanwhile said nothing and the five-year-old proceeded to berate her older sister for telling on her. The happy family went on there way and I'm sure some poor schmuck is $20 dollars poorer while the five-year-old is that much sicker for spending it on too much candy or cookies.
But why didn't the mother say anything? It's inherent for people to be selfish. Young children are all about the ID. They want what brings them pleasure and they don't think about other people. That has to be learned. It has to be learned so we can have a society, so we can work in teams and get things done, invent things, create things, save lives, build homes. Life is so hard already, why make it harder for each other? Why be inconsiderate?
I know everyone says don't blame the parents...but this was definitely a blame the parent moment. If the mother had spoken up just a little to explain an complexity of life to her daughter in context her daughter would have had one more memory that would help her learn how to live in the world. She's not going to figure it out on her own. If she continues to find and keep $20's without thinking of the people who may have lost them then she will forever believe that anything she happens to "find" is hers. She'll turn into the teenager who doesn't get up to let adults sit down. She'll turn into the kids at my college who walk out of lectures or talk on their cellphone while the instructor is talking. She will become the person who doesn't stop for red flags because they'd rather win the race then protect the life a fellow racer. And by the time she has grown-up to that point it will be too late for her mother to use the "mom" card and say "NO."
Some people's parents.
Unfortunately, this makes me not want to have any children of my own. The fury in me at seeing inaction in parents made me think I just would not be a good PTA member. And in the process I'd probably embarrass my kid. Also, I just don't want a child of mine to grow-up with a bunch of adults who still act like children leading them and a bunch of peers who will never know what compassion and consideration mean.
So to my own Mother and Father (and to my Mother-in-law and Father-in-law) thank you for making me (us) do the things we didn't want to do. Thank you for being so nosey and demanding that no one wanted to invite us to parties. Thank you for raising me to help others and think about the whole before I think about myself. Thank you for forcing me to learn the skills that make me a good worker, a good student and a good person. Because of all that I have the greatest husband ever, a good job, and a nice life that's hard...but not any harder than what you helped me learn.
And after all that...you'll have to wait a whole hell of a lot longer for those grandkids.
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