Now is the nap-time of our discontent...

I'm very very tired.

I am so exhausted right now that it took me 20 minutes to remember I needed a fork for my fruit salad, another 20 to actually get up and get one and now that I have it I'm too tired to open the box and eat it.

I have a tuna sandwich too...I've had half of a half and just can't drink anymore. I mean eat. Eat anymore. See how tired I am?

Tired Katy does awfully bad things. Like snapping at her husband before he goes to work in the morning. He took my car today to get it checked out at the dealership. Last night I told him multiple times that it needed gas. This morning I reminded him again and he snapped at me:

Him: It does?! Damnit I'm late already!

Me: I told you like five times last night.

Him: I think I heard you tell me once.

Me: I told you tons of times. It's not my fault you can't get anything through your thick skull! (What I was thinking though was "Once ought to have been enough. Not my fault you're thicker than the hamburger grease I asked yo to clean up last night too and it's still sitting on the stove, lazy, bullheaded prick!...grumble grumble grumble.")

I took a shower, locked the door in his face and said "Bye!" instead of "Love you have a good day etc etc."

We talked on the phone a little while ago so it's all smoothed out and there are no grouchy feelings from him. But I feel bad. We don't have really big fights, mostly because I will back down and just let him think he's won. If I don't he gets really mean and I just can't deal with it. I can usually stop them before they start and find a new way to discuss the issue later. We have little snapping matches that die down quickly because we both know now that the snapping is really at the rest of the world...we just happen to be handy targets.

Still I feel awful when I've behaved that way. I still think it's stupid I have to repeat things six or seven times before it registers with him, but he's thick headed and dumb and freaking inconsiderate so I guess it shouldn't surprise me.

Okay, maybe I'm not that tired. Enough energy to fuss at least. And here's the reason why tired is bad. I'm already so tired I'm being snippy and now I will wear myself out feeling guilty that I was snippy. I'll still feel bad tomorrow and the next day. He has already forgotten it. He won't ever remember. It's not just that he ignores me when I'm being nice and helpful, but he ignores me when I'm being a brat too. I'm screaming in the middle of a room and he's oblivious. I'm gonna use up all my energy trying to get his attention and I'll be so tired I'll start trying in all the bad ways.

I don't have the energy for it anymore...and that's why I can't eat my lunch.

I'm too tired.