Hi Fish, Bye Fish

We bought three new fish today to round out our family.

Persimmon the orange cichlid, Mango the other orange cichlid and George the sucker fish. They joined the three previous fish Lemon the yellow cichlid, Guava the other yellow cichlid and Pumpkin the huge orange cichlid.

Persimmon and Mango are a tad smaller than the other guys but the fish guy said they'd be okay and they were plucky little fish anyway.

I say 'were' because we've already had an incident. We have a filter in our tank that has a little grate on the hose so fish and big things won't get sucked up into it. My husband didn't like the grate because it would get clogged with yucky fish food remains and have to be cleaned regularly or slow the filtration down. Today we had an arguement (before the two new fish were released into the tank) whether the grate should be taken off or not. I was worried the new fish would be too small and get vacuumed up into the tube, he was certain they were too big for that.

Of course when I released the fish they started exploring and I watched for about ten minutes later before going to fix dinner. No sooner do I turn around but Mango get sucked up into the tube. I turned from the stove and saw him just hanging there swishing his tail for all he was worth and his head halfway up the tube. I panicked. I tried turning off the filter but couldn't get the plugs unplugged from the outlets because they were pushed in too tight. I tried shaking the tube to let him go. Finally I ran outside and knocked my husbands cigarette out of his hand.

"Timmy is stuck in a well!"

Actually it was "Help help the fish is stuck...help!!!"

He took his sweet time getting there and tried to use the butt end of a long knife to knock him lose. (Instead of using his braun to unplug the filter like I was asking him too.) He either knocked too hard or the filter is damn strong because Mango swam out of it bent in half. He kicked around for a little before sinking to the floor and laying down.

Lemon kept him company for a few hours, I'm sure uttering "Come on little fish, you can do it." to him in fishy-language. While I did the same in katy-language.

Ten minutes ago I noticed Mango is lying at the floor under the bubble tube...he's not breathing anymore. The fish is dead.

I said that too and my husband snapped "Well just wait till morning...christ!"

Of course he blames me. I was lectured that the next time that happens I should just unplug the filter right away. (Gee, never would have thought of that.) Also that it was stupid I didn't do something right away when I noticed he was stuck and why didn't I put the grate back on. (Only because he said in no uncertain terms that I better not because it slowed the filter down too much.)

Am I allowed to say "I told you so"? I have been very careful not to mention our conversation. I have not given him any back looks or given a "cold shoulder". I'm trying not to feel resentful. But my fish is dead! And I really liked him. He had sass.

Although I'm making a concious effort not to blame anyone...I know I'm mope-ing and I can't help it. It seems the death of our fish are precursors to more bad news.

Today my mother revealed the latests results from her ultrasound. They found a lump awhile back, the mammogram showed nothing but after the ultrasound they found a mass right in front of her chestplate behind all the brest tissue. She finds out what they want to do next week. This on top of the mystery bleeding, years and years after menopause.

If this is...that...then every woman in my family on my mother's side will have had breast cancer except for myself, my sister and my cousin. And last year after my mother's problems with other forms of lesser cancer (if there's such a thing) I thought we'd be done. I knew we wouldn't, but I thought we would.

I had Macaroni and Cheese tonight. We didn't have any grape juice, but it was as close to a comfort meal as I can get.

Yesterday was a good day though. I'll have to write about it later.