Ew Ew Ew

My regular gym is closed for renovations. I'm upset.

In my little community there are three gyms. They are all owned by the community's company and other gyms (like chains) are kept from opening shop. It's astronomically expensive to join, but when you got no competition you can do stupid stuff like ask $900 every six months in order to allow one to use the treadmill.

I do not have that package...I use the weights and run outside.

In anycase, since there are three gyms to choose from you wouldn't think that one gym being closed would be that much of a deal. Just go to another. Well yeah...that's what I thought too.

Then I went. The first one is the 24 hour big huge sport center. It looks like a lot of fun...if you want to walk around getting hit in the head by little kids who need to have their endless supply of candy confiscated. Honestly when I have to go to the suburban house wife gym I often fantasize that they give the little no-neckers "Mommy's Little Helper" and the their moms the freaking candy so they'll be awake enough to hit the brakes before they ram my car a third time. (Long past story...)

Anyway after a few minutes of walking the maze of kids rooms and women's gyms (which I can't go into because I didn't buy that package...) I left.

Gym choice number two. The Athletic Club. I used to call this my regular gym. It's very close to home (walking distance) and has all the stuff I want where it is easy to find. The only problem...it's sweaty.

Yes, I know...gyms are suppose to be sweaty. That's what you go to gyms for. To sweat. But that's not the kind of sweaty I mean. It's gross. It's dirty. And honestly it freaks me out. My biggest problem was when I would have to watch the men who rode the bikes. You know those guys...remind you of members of the Russian mafia only in tight bike shorts with their ass hanging over one side and there stomach oozing out the other. And then they get on a bike for 30 minutes and sweat. They sweat a lot. In puddles on the floor. And they don't shower so they smell bad when they start, smell really bad when they end, and then go and use the weight benches afterward. Call me a wimp...but I can't take it. I walk around with disinfectant wipes incessantly. And because I am such a anti-sweat freak I noticed that this gym does not clean their equipment daily. I'm not sure they ever do. I suppose they think that their customers will clean up after themselves. But I've yet to see anyone but me even carry a towel. I finally got fed up and decided to go to the gym further away but much cleaner.

And am I glad I did. I walked in today grabbed a fresh towel, grabbed a handful of wipes and stealed myself for the trials ahead when a little, tiny, notice caught my eye at the scanning table. "We have had an out break of a skin rash that is caused by a staph infection. Please remember to wipe down your equipment after you've finished using it."

EWWWWW! I think I knocked a couple of kids over in my haste to run out of there. I could already feel my skin crawling, my whole body felt hot, it was on me get it off get it off!!!!

Okay so I might have overreacted. But the last time I used a gym that had a mysterious "outbreak" it turned out to be flesh-eating bacteria and killed a young Marine recruit in San Diego. I never went back to that gym again (except for when they made us so we could get screen and inoculated) and I will never ever go back to the Athletic Club again. As it was I skipped the work out for a 30 minute shower and I still feel creepy crawly. Eww ewww eww.

Over 12 hours later I can't shake the feeling I'll wake up and my arm will be sizzling off. My regular gym better open up real soon.