Last night, Last year-Over there, Over here

The sun was finally down and the couple was curled up on the couch together watching t.v. She was resting her head on his chest and his arm was draped just so around her shoulders. The pretty mexican blanket was fluffed out over their laps, just their toes peeking out from underneath. She nibbled at his soft knitted shirt and snuggled up closer into his arms, enjoying the feeling of his wide warm chest pressed against her little shoulders. He tickled her stomach and grinned wide when she squealed and jumped further into his lap. They tangled their legs together while they watched the silly little show and made fun of all the characters who were clearly insane.

Commercials popped up and they nibbled at each others lips and cheeks as they fast forwarded through them, stopping to watch the one with the puppies in it, and a trailer for a new movie. She stopped it on a funny one about cats and he surprised her by flipping her over, dragging his fingers down her thighs till she kicked and giggled and then stealthily stole the remote. She punched him playfully "No tickling" and reentangled herself in his arms surrendering the control of the remote willingly.

The show started again. The night was perfect, they were warm and together. They both felt relief and joy being pressed close to one another.

Commercials started again. A producers name popped up across a background of green camouflage and patriotic music played.

"From the Producers of..."

"Fastforward" she said sweetly and wiggled against him. He didn't say anything.

"A Steven Bochco film..."

"Fastforward now" she whimpered up at him and pouted cute feeling frisky and trying to get him to do what she wanted. He didn't move a muscle.

"A story about our troops..."

She slapped his hand with hers "Hey, fastforward this!" Her voice rose an octave higher than normal. He moved his hand and the remote but didn't hit the button.

"Fastforward it! Please. Fastforward!" Her voice kept getting higher and higher and was filled with even more urgency. She had maybe three more seconds.

"Mommy's at work and she miss you real bad." Too late. The sound of a baby wailing filled the living room and then there were gunshots and explosions bursting out of the screen and right towards the couple.

"I don't want to watch this!!!" she grabbed his shirt sleeve and pulled it hard "fastforward."

"I want to see it" he said, completely unaffected by the image of a guys who face was covered in blood.

She started fighting, she moved to sit up and his arm circled her shoulders even tighter. She shrugged his hand away from her, pulling her legs out from under the covers. He toppled her and wrapped the covers around her leg, grinning at the new game he thought they were playing.

"Shhh, I'm trying to listen."

"Noo, let me go!" she tried to tune out the sound of a wife crying into her husbands shoulder in front of a helicopter ready to go, she tried to tune out the memories of doing the same thing on a pier, she was pushing against all the memories and feelings of fear and helplessness, she was struggling to keep down the bile that was rising in her throat, she started to really struggle against her own husbands hold.

"Just wait a second, wait a second...!" he said, still thinking it was a game, trying to capture her small wrists in his hands.

"Let me go, let me go, get-off-of-me!" she was yelling loudly now, the apartment neighbors were sure to hear her voice which had gone from low and urgent to a high pitched wailing filled with real panic. She kicked and got herself tangled in the blanket even more. His arm was like a vice around her waist and she was twisting and turning, kicking the glass of water off the coffee table and clawing at his arms. He had her tied up, she couldn't move, she couldn't get away, his voice was too calm and the memories flooding back into her head were too loud.

"LET ME GO!" she could still hear the stupid commercial in the background a young man saying "I don't think I have the words to describe what's happening to me." She knew, she knew what he meant, she didn't have the words either but she knew what was happening to him. He was being taken from the world, he'd never come back to it. She couldn't hold back a sob anymore and with a big push she heaved her husband off of her and fell, tangled in the stupid horrible mexican blanket that used to cover his rack only a short while ago. She kicked savagely at it, at him and finally broke free of the oppressive blanket, the oppressive couch, the oppressive room and ran to her bed.

"Come back here." He said calmly, picking up the blanket and making no move to retrieve his wife.

"I'm going to bed. It's late." she said with her last bit of reserve before slamming the door to the bedroom and once behind the wood barrier, letting the hot tears that were clouding her vision fall down her cheeks. She scooped up her cat and held the furball much tighter than it preferred, collapsing on the bed and holding her breath for as long as she could so she wouldn't cry out. Her heart was pounding straight out of her chest, her throat had tightened to the point she was certain air couldn't get in even if she wanted to breath. She couldn't get the sounds of bullets and crying babies out of her head. They mixed together while she heard her husband angrily yell at her from the living room.

"Get back in here! Katy! Come back now! KATHRYN!"

She wiped the back of her hand over her eyes and carried the cat back into the living room, using her pet as a shield. The commercial was gone and she sat on the opposite side of the couch, straight as a cornstalk, staring at the stupid show and not looking at her husband. He reached out to pat her thigh and she pulled her legs up closer to her body so he couldn't reach her. She felt like he was trying to hold her down again, it felt like bondage, it scared her.

He didn't wait to let her compose herself. "Why did that bother you."

"Why wouldn't that bother me? All those families that are broken up and all those people are dying, of course it bothers me."

"It's just a story."

"No, it's real. Those people don't come home...and that was you."

"I came back." he shrugged as if they were talking about nothing, as if the fact that he was physically in that house was enough logic to assuage her fears and her heartache. He leaned back so casually and coolly, as if he was really there, in that house, with that family.

"I'm here. I came back in one piece."

She looked at him, sitting there looking calm, cold, empty. She shook her head slowly and whispered, more to herself because she knew it was true and she hated knowing it:

"No you didn't."