Color Coordination

Among my other duties about my office I am also called to procure "office things" for new employees and associates who are either being moved in a bigger office or (less prestigious) into a smaller cubicle.

Usually it's not that big of a deal. Gather a few folders, paperclips, staples and other sundry then a couple of things to put them in. Most of the time my hunting techniques entail crawling through dirty, spidery crawlspaces and closets that have been attacked by the clutter monster. On "lucky" days I will get the chance to scavenge in the remnants of a cubicle whose inhabitant has recently left. During the last employee purge people would literally circle cubes like vultures circle an animal about to cross the road. If you're gonna get his by a Mack Truck eventually couldn't we just have a small taste now? As soon as the employee had taken their last piece of "personal decoration" the cube would be swarmed with people sinking their teeth into the nice, unsqueaky stapler and the keyboard that doesn't have a sticky "k".

And usually that's about the extent of the complaints when it comes to office supplies. Nothing works like new and no one gets anything that is new. The shiny new boxes from Office Max and Staples contain toys for the people coming to replace us, rather than the people doing the work now. So we squeak and stick a little longer, till I can find that golden Swingline that's been hiding in the pantry of the third floor kitchen.

Complaints about poorly working equipment I can understand. I will go out of my way to look for something that works a little better or doesn't smell so funny, but lately I've been working with someone who had a much more annoying request.

Everything has to be the same color.

This particular person is a little higher on the food chain than most so one would assume that my job would be a little easier. For him I can fill out a supply request form and actually buy him stuff. But stuff within reason, the stuff on our contract, the stuff that's cheap. For two months now I've been scouting out inboxes and staplers for him. I even went so far as to surrender (after being pointedly told asked) my own inboxes in his search for something black.

Today though I thought my searching would finally come to an end. After having brought him all he supplies he needed three times, and having been sent away in search of something "Similar, but different" three times each I finally had procured him a black stapler 4 inches rather than the normal 6, a black staple remover that was sufficiently sharpened, a black inbox that held legal paper rather than letter, a black paper clip holder that had a tinted box rather than clear, and a black tape dispenser that didn't say "Scotch". Finally after all that I had receive the last piece of the puzzle. I victoriously carried to his office a brand-spanking-new pair of scissors - fresh out of the Staples box, in their original packaging. Normally our scissors are small, dull, and have the name of some other company printed on them. I swear, it was like carrying the Olympic torch - same amount of stares, less flame.

"Katy, this handle is dark blue, is it possible for me to get a black handled scissors...or is that too much?"

Blink, Blink, Blink.