Champagne Trick

I like champagne. It's fun. I've never had any "good stuff." We usually get the $12 bottles or have a $3-$5 glass on special occasions, but still I like it plenty.

Of course it's mostly about the bubbles. And there is something wrong with expensive bubbles. Aren't bubbles those cheap toys that could keep us occupied for hours when we were kids? Aren't they essentially a free kind of magic? Without the bubbles I'd just get a glass of good white wine. I like the bubbles. I like the way they glitter, especially in restaurant "ambiance" lighting. I like the way they pop. I like when they tickle my nose and bite my lips. I spend most of the time watching them line up from the bottom of the tall, pretty flute and wiggle up to the top.

And, most of all, I like the sound. Tinkle, pop, peep, pop. Mmmm, there is nothing better than food that talks back to you.

The other night my husband bought me a glass of champagne. It looked good. It was a pretty color, it sparkled, it came in a pretty little glass. But it wasn't making any noise. I stared at it for a bit.

HUSBAND: What are you doing?

ME: I'm not sure this champagne knows it's champagne.

HUSBAND: I meant why are you sticking your nose on the glass and putting your head on the table?

ME: So I can see the bubbles better of course.

HUSBAND: Why don't you just lift the glass to your face instead of moving your face to the table?

ME: Uh...I didn't think of that.

I lifted it.

ME: I think it's shy.

HUSBAND: What's shy?

ME: This champagne. It's too quiet.

HUSBAND: Were you expecting it to sing?

ME: Yes.

There's silence while C. digests the fact that I'm serious.

HUSBAND: And dance?

ME: It already is. See...bubbles. It's just not loud enough.

HUSBAND: Hold it to your ear.

I did...it bubbled, it popped, it jingled against the glass. It positively roared. I moved it away from my ear. Silence. Closer to my ear: roar! Up, down, up, down.

ME: This is great!!!

HUSBAND: You're going to do that everytime we drink champagne now aren't you?

ME: Yep!

HUSBAND: Guess it's true.

ME: What's true?

HUSBAND: You can teach a cat to do tricks.

ME: Meow - pop - pop - pop. Meow.


And yes, next time we drink champagne I will hold it to my ear. It's better than a seashell!!! Yey! New trick!