Fifteen Minutes with a Pornstar

"So, at the concert people kept coming up to these women, who you know, were very very - nice to look at. They were hot. Real hard bodies. But people kept taking pictures with them..."

My boss is on minute three of his story about something that happened on his last trip south. So far he's talking about some random concert and describing every single person there. Well every single woman. And honestly I think I should feel flattered. Finally he's comfortable enough with me to talk about women in front of me, almost as if I was one of the boys. The thing is I'm not one of the boys, I'm a girl, a girl still wearing her wool coat and holding a bag full of melting cheesecake. And still the story goes on.

"So I like to play, you know I like to play, so I go down to the casino and start me off with a Ketel One..."

I always wonder why people need to give me a run down of every drink they have had. Even when the story has nothing to do with the alcohol, they still insist on telling me at what point they ordered a Irish Car Bomb and when they switched from rum to vodka. My boss especially, now knowing that I happen to be something of a micro-brew connoisseur, will tell me exactly what he had at each party, each bar, each club. Is this something people do to embellish the story? Or is it the equivalent of dropping names? Status isn't implied by who you know, or what you're wearing? Now it's all about what kind of vodka is in your martini?

"And then this really tall Jamaican woman comes up. And she's wearing these boots that make her tall too. Just high heels and the front has a few inches added..."

He continues to describe the boots and I toy with the idea of telling him I know what kind he's talking about because I have a pair of black patent leather platform boots and clear plastic platform heels in my trunk right now. I bet it would shorten the story, but it'd probably shorten my employment status too - so I bite my tongue and watch the strawberry on his cheesecake melt onto his desk. It's getting hot in this office...

"...and the bartender isn't paying attention so I help her order a..."

Here we go again...

"...we're talking and her friend comes over, another real tall beautiful girl, she comes and sits on the other side of me. And the first girl her name is Kia and her friends name is Mercedes..."

My head snaps up. Did it just get five times hotter in this office? Kia and Mercedes? Kia and Mercedes two girls in platform shoes and scanty outfits? Is my boss about to tell me about how two, not one but two, hookers tried to pick him up over a glass of Ketel One?

"...and I say 'I feel like I'm in a used car dealership'. They thought that was hilarious..."

Oh I bet they did.

"Then Kia says 'You don't know who I am? I'm a pornstar.'"

Yep, it's definitely hotter in this office. Suddenly I don't care about the cheesecake or my coat, my boss has a story filled with mistaken identities and embarrassing situations. He also has a lot of information on the latest Hustler shoot. I get the whole skinny.

"That is the coolest thing I've ever heard." I finally exclaim at the end.

"It's not cool. It was horrible. Can you imagine if you found out your husband spent the night with pornstars?"

I think about all the pictures of naked ladies from my husbands last deployment and the late night call he made to me after he had accidentally stumbled into an Australian Sex Club "Katy...you'll never believe what they did on stage!"...

I think I'd be okay with it.

In fact I think it'd be pretty cool. I would love to spend the evening talking to someone with an interesting job like that. Especially since they were so forthcoming with the particulars. I could come up with a hundred questions. I toyed with the idea of asking my boss some of them...but I think that might have gone over worse than the stripper shoes in my car.

But nonetheless I'd still like to know.

Are their fluffers for girls as well as guys?

Is kissing better than sex?

Do you ever actually feel truly sexy when you're having sex? On camera? Off camera?

When you're off camera do you feel the need to perform like a pornstar?

How do you keep your nipples erect if you're not turned on?

How many takes per scene do you do?

Do you ever yell out the wrong name?

What's the most fun part of being in a porn?

Does fore-play really matter?

Come to think of it does size?

Do you ever get sick doing it upside down?

and finally...

Why did you choose to sit next to my boss?