Enter the Main Character

I was just gonna jump into posting and forget the intro - but what the heck lets do an introduction.

Enter KATY she is 22 years old. She is married.

("Wow she got married young huh?" "Yes she did." "Why'd she get married so young?" "You'll have to ask her." "Was she pregnant?" "Like I said you'll have to ask her." "Okay. Katy why did you get married so young? Is it cause you were..." "Ask her after the intro." "Oh...okay.")

She is married to an Active Duty member of the United States Navy.

("Oh, she was pregnant huh." "No she wasn't pregnant." "But she's a Navy wife. We all know Navy wives just go around looking for Sailors then get knocked up to make them marry them so they can escape the factory that they work in and their mother worked in and their mother's mother..." "She was not pregnant." "Oh I know she wasn't really pregnant. I saw 'An Officer and a Gentleman' I know what's what." "This is not some old re-run of a Richard Gere movie on Saturday Morning" "Was she a stripper then?" "What?!" "A stripper...you know...only the bad kind so she couldn't snag a Marine she had to settle for a Sailor." "She is not a stripper!" "But she was...riiiight. Wink wink nudge nudge" "Just...be...quiet." "Fine.")

As I was saying KATY enters, she is a 22 year old Navy wife with no children.

("Bow-chicka-wow-wow" "SHUT-UP" "Sorry.")

She is a 22 year old Navy wife with no children and all her clothes on. The only pole she polishes is...er...nevermind.

She is an 18 year veteran of the Legitimate Theatre.

("Legitimate huh...what makes it so legitimate...strip clubs are well established businesses..." "I meant legitimate as in the stage, the boards, live theatre - " "You got the 'r' and the 'e' mixed up in theater there buddy." "WILL YOU GO AWAY!?")

She does stuff on stage.
She also writes for the stage.

("Oh...so that's why we're having this conversation." "No you're just bothering me...it is not a conversation." "Well we're talking to one another." "I'm just humoring you." "Well look who's all high and mighty just cause he got to do the introduction instead of me." "If you wanted to do it you could have said something." "Well no one asked." "Then do it." "I don't know her." "Oh for PETE'S SAKE.")

KATY enters, hook and sword in hand, she carts off Abbott and Costello ("Hey who are you calling a PRIEST?!") and holds them at sword point.

Folks we're gonna have to cut the intro short tonight due to technical difficulties (and these two bone-heads). In the meantime please enjoy this dancing bear.

Circus music begins as a pink bear in a brown tutu enters and begins to perform a complicate Irish clog while reciting nursery rhymes in Vietnamese.